The daily cat to-do list (gallery)
Want to be an awesome cat? Just follow this to-do list
1. Wake up the human for noms - meow in face, claw face, sit on face, break stuff.
2. Eat the noms - as much as possible and as fast as possible. Make sure there iz no survivors.
3. Nap - when the human leaves for work, it iz best to get as much rest as possible for their return.
4. Run like a psycopath - run around the house/apartment like a complete psycopath to train for battle with possible invaders while the human iz away.
5. Nap - running around like a psycho can be exhausting... better rest up.
6. Groom yourself - for hours and hours at a time. Can't be too clean... especially living with stinky humans... and if you happen to haz a doggie roommate... never stop grooming yourself.
7. Climb on things you iz not allowed to climb on when human iz home... what human doesn't know won't hurt them...
8. Nap - climbing on things can be exhausting.
9. Practice ninja moves - especially if you haz a doggie roomate. Chase them, smack them, and then jump on something high so they can't get you. Make sure to really rile them up so that they break something and the human punishes them and calls you a good kitty.
10. Stare out window and curse wildly at stoopy squirrels, birds, and all other forms of life. The more terrible and sailor like - the better.
11. Greet human when they return from work by weaving through their legs and flopping down in the most inconvenient places.
12. Make human pay attention to you while they try to relax - if they iz on their computer, sit on it. If they iz watching t.v., stand in front of it and sing the song of our people. They love it when we do that.
13. Demand noms - refer to #1.
14. Eat noms - refer to #2.
15. Nap - you haz a long night ahead of you.
16. Watch the human sleep - guard over them. Patrol over the bed and walk over their body to make sure the bedsheet monster does not show up.
17. If bedsheet monster shows up - you must do everything in your power to kill it. Usually it appears near the bottom of the bed where the humans feet iz supposed to be. If you see something move in that area - it iz your duty as the cat of the house to bite and claw the living hell out of it and send it back the dark hole from which it came. If the human screams in pain, that just means the bedsheet monster iz trying to drag your human to hell with it. Bite harder.
18. Sleep - preferably on the humans head or chest.
19. Run like a psychopath again - the earlier in the morning the better. I recommend 3:00AM.
20. Repeat steps 1-19- continue being an awesome cat.
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