11 things your cat is desperately trying to tell you

You might want to write these down.

"We're just trying to help, humans. 

The more you can understand us, the more you can serve us. Then everybody wins. (Well... we win and that's most important.)"

1. Birds are trying to set up a bird colony in your backyard.

Also, they say REALLY rude things to you. I’m going to stop them.

2. Making your bed is futile because you’re going to mess it up anyway.

And so I’m just gonna get under the covers while you’re making your bed, cool?

3. Your untied shoelaces are dangerous. Even when your shoes aren’t on your feet.

I will paw them into submission.

4. 3 a.m. is actually wake-up time, and you’ve been doing it wrong forever.

What’s your code? I want to set an alarm on your phone. Thanks!

5. Inside my belly exists a button that will end the world. If you rub it, it will end.

Do not touch me.

6. The greatest live theatrical experience ever, better than Broadway, is when I knock your stuff off the counter.

Don’t you see? I’m trying to expose you to culture.

7. Your computer is putting out some serious radiation, so I must sit on it when you use it…to protect you.

Cats are impervious to such things. We like RULED Ancient Egypt. We can handle radiation.

8. The toilet WILL engulf you if I don’t stand and watch when you go to the bathroom.

It’s scared of me. That’s why it behaves when I’m piercing it with my watchful eye.

9. No one understands you like I do. Thusly, you should only pay attention to me.

Don’t agree? Tell me the last relationship you were 100% happy with. TELL ME.

10. Dogs are responsible for the depletion of the ozone layer.

Punish them with side-eyes.

11. The thing you’re eating is actually mine.

You could give it to me, or I could try desperately to take it from you. How do you want to do this?

Now you know!

via Buzzfeed